Palmer Blevins Blog

My favorite Bible story is in regards to the Fall of Man, the original sin. Eve is in the Garden one day, just minding her business when all of sudden a snake appears and says “Hey, you look hungry. Why don’t you eat some of the fruit on that tree in the center of this garden?” to which Eve replied, “No, I better not. God says that I can eat anything I want, without the fear of gaining weight and exercise, except fruit from that tree.” “Yeah,” says the snake, “but if you eat that fruit, your eyes will open and you will become just like God. And if He created you and your poser husband in His own image, surely He wants you to be as smart as Him, too.”

So, after realizing that it would not be on the McDonald’s Value Menu any time soon, she went ahead and ate some. Being the generous person she was, she offered some to Adam. Adam, being either whipped or not really listening to God when He said “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t eat that friggin fruit,” decides to eat it. Eventually God finds out and asks what happened.

Now for my favorite part. Instead of taking responsibility for his own dirty deed, Adams blames Eve (and of course Eve blames the snake, and the snake is like “come on man, if I told them to jump off a bridge…”). Now for the tie in.

I was originally going to vote for either Joe Biden or John Edwards in the primary; eventually I got wrapped up in that whole “Change We Can Believe In” stuff (still waiting to see how that Change is going to benefit me, but I digress) and voted for now President Obama. But I fell for another line of bull: the John and Elizabeth Edwards love story. Even after the affair became known to us mere mortals, I didn’t think it was necessary for John to become a pariah…and I still admired Elizabeth for taking on the Coultergeist.

But after reading excerpts of her new book, parts of which highlight John’s affair, I am a little sick to my stomach and am reminded of the whole Garden of Eden Story. Any sympathy I had for her in regards to the affair went out the window with this gem, “Those with any fame or notoriety or power attract people for good reasons and bad. Some want to contribute and some want to take something away for themselves. They flatter and entreat, and it is engaging, even addictive. They look at our lives, which from the outside in particular are pictures of joy and plenty, and they want it for themselves.” She talks about how the woman “targeted” John and seduced him with a lame-ass pick up line…”you’re so hot.”

Come on. The horny toad saw an opportunity to get some tail, and after realizing his little “sin” and fearing that his political career be in the crapper, and there would also be no more trips to Wendy’s once a year, he came clean and portrayed himself as the victim of a devilish temptress. And being the good wife, she eventually forgave him but turned around and blamed the woman for seducing her husband and wanting to destroy her family because of some lowly serfs silly envy of the lifestyle of the elite.

Now, for the moral of the story children: when all else fails, you can always blame a snake; whether it be for eating forbidden fruit, for your adultery or if you want to avoid the scandal of divorcing your cheating spouse but not look like a fool tool in the process for not doing so.